Listen, if you can’t read sarcasm dripping from someone’s written words, you are clearly inferior and deserve to be made fun of told so.

See what I did there? No? Then perhaps you should stop reading blogs all together. And get off of Facebook and Twitter while you’re at it, because the new media includes a whole lot of nuances that will likely BLOW YOUR MIND. Your itty bitty pin-sized mind.

See what I did again? I’m kidding. KIDDING! You are not inferior. You should stay on Facebook and Twitter. You don’t have a pin-sized mind.

I do that sometimes all the time. Normally I am not that blunt harsh mean direct with my sarcasm, but I like having fun with words, fun with friends (and, side note: fun with Words with Friends) and I’m from Portland, where sarcasm drips from every word that comes out of our starving-for-sunshine mouths.

But then there’s all of YOU. You know who you are. The ones who take life a little too seriously. The ones who believe that your Twitter streams should only be 110% suited-up old-school suite-and-tie professional (read: booooring. snooze. wake me when you’re ready to be social). The ones who would never dream of writing a swear word, lest you offend/scare/lose your precious readers (I’m sorry, but damn is not a swear word. Neither is hell. But damn-it-all-to-hell? No, not that either). The ones who probably drink your organic tea with pinkies up and never wear white after Labor Day.

Sarcasm and social media make a tough mix. If I offended you in the paragraph above, guess whose fault that is? Yours. 1: because you crazy selfish bastard you — thinking I’m writing about you in particular? Now, that’s pretty arrogant. And 2: Even if you don’t think I am talking about you (I totally am, by the way), you are internalizing.

I know, I know: we humans are programmed to internalize every comment that comes across our paths. Someone mentions they have cancer, you feel compelled to tell them your great-great-great-aunt had that kind of cancer and died 3 months later. Someone posts that they hate the color blue, and you realize that you LOVE the color blue, are wearing a blue sweater, and just saw that person who tweeted they have that color. Oh, they MUST be talking about you, right?

Here’s the thing: sarcasm really is all about the writer, and not the reader. Oh sure, I am sarcastic in the hopes that you will snicker or laugh right along, but really, I’m being sarcastic to just say something to amuse myself. Some people with the same sense of humor will get it; many others won’t. Should those others be offended? No!